Good secrets

We recently had the dubious task of trying to get Chloe to keep a secret. Unfortunately, part of keeping that secret required some minor fibbing. This created quite the moral dilemma to explain to a five year old - a young mind used to the black and white rules that seem to govern her life.

Lying in general is not a good thing, but what do you do when it will ruin a greater event such as a surprise party or gift you are working on? How about when lying to one person is required to cover up for a promise you made to someone else? Lying for selfish reasons is wrong, but lying in a conflicted situation is a call each individual has to make for themselves, in that given situation. Does the captured soldier lie about where his comrades are in order to save their lives? Sometimes though these situations aren't so cut and dry, and sometimes one person draws the line closer to the chest than someone else.

Trying to explain the nuances of why it is OK to lie in this instance is difficult with a young mind. It is especially difficult when you consider that mind has been repeatedly told that lying is not a good thing to do - it's not nice. I don't know if she fully understood or if we confused her more, but lying will be something she will do to us and others whether we like it or not. The best we can do is teach her how to discern when lying is unavoidable and when it is purely selfish. Maybe then she will be able to feel fully accountable for her actions without being riddled with guilt.