Fortune cookies

I had to scan this one in to share with my loyal readers. This has to be the worst fortune I've ever heard of and I actually can't imagine one worse. Let me detail why this is so terrible.

Right off the bat, this isn’t a fortune. It makes no attempt to give some indication of the future like a fortune usually would. It’s just a statement like, “the sun is hot” or “the dog barked.” Now I know fortunes sometimes include sayings from Confucius like “Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves.”, but this isn’t some ultimate wisdom gained through a lifetime of thought and meditation. This is a sentence a third grader might conduct in English class.

Second thing to strike me as terrible about it is it’s an obvious statement. It would be like getting a receipt from McDonalds that read you just ordered grease with a side of fat. Well, duh! It doesn’t say I will like Chinese food more as I get older, or my tastes will never change. It just states that I like Chinese food. I just ate at a Chinese restaurant, so that is a pretty safe bet. Why not go out on a limb and say I like Italian food instead? At least then it wouldn’t be so obvious.

The third reason this is so bad is the total lack of feeling it invokes. It doesn’t inspire. It doesn’t anger. It doesn’t invoke laughter. Even if I add the “in bed” to the end for humor, it’s only mildly amusing at best. The complete lack of feeling means a lack of thought went into the creation of this fortune’s statement. If I had been insulted instead, like say, “You smell like onions.” then there would at least be a feeling that someone put thought into it. It could have made me laugh if it included something about buffets like, “You love buffets.” Then I might have gotten a chuckle out of it since many Chinese restaurants are buffets.

Lastly, I’m appalled by the lack of creativity. This took no thought to create. It reeks of some worker sitting around thinking of something to put in a fortune that he hadn’t seen already. This was the best he could come up with? Take out the word Chinese and it might pass as a reasonable fortune by today’s non-creative standards, “You love food.” Or better yet, “You would probably like the food in China.” That would be acceptable considering the Chinese food we eat is modified to placate the American consumer’s palette.

Any way you look at it this is pretty bad. However, I guess it balances out some the really good ones I’ve gotten. This one ranks up there, and not just because of its accuracy. ;)