Secular myth

I heard something sad on the radio this morning on the way to work. They were discussing sexual incompatibility in marriages. Callers were giving varied opinions and recounting experiences, but no one addressed the real issue. Sexual incompatibility is a secular myth, period. There is no such thing. How can there be incompatibility between a man and a woman? Parts is parts is parts. The problem is in the relationship, not the bedroom.

The idea of sexual incompatibility generally stems from a lack of intimacy. Intimacy involves the mental, emotional, spiritual and physical connections between individuals. Sex fulfills a temporary physical need, but real intimacy fulfills completely. We often confuse the need for intimacy with one of its elements. Physical needs usually for the guys and emotional needs usually for the girls. If we bring ourselves to a place where we can provide intimacy then all of those needs are met.

However, people in America have bought into the idea “Whatever makes you happy” must be right. That doesn’t hold true. Take for example, drug addicts. The drugs make them happy, but ultimately will destroy them. It’s a selfish attitude perpetuated by a consumerism society that preaches the edict of “What about me?” and “It’s not my fault.” We carry that attitude into our relationships (and the bedroom) as well. Intimacy is not about what makes “you” happy, or what makes “me” happy. Intimacy is about what fulfills “us” together.

There will be differences between people – no two people are identical – everyone knows it. The problem is that we tend to want people to change to accommodate our needs. However, love is not about selfish needs. Love is about a desire to fulfill someone else. Making the effort to fulfill each other is where true intimacy comes from, not some physical act, emotional sharing, spiritual ritual or mental exercise. Love and intimacy takes work and commitment. Work and commitment could be called the very cornerstones of marriage. So, how could someone look outside the marriage for those things?