Making ends meet again

I'm learning what it means to be tight again. It's been years since I had to really worry about how I was going to make it to the next paycheck. It's been a while since I stacked bill payments to correspond with my paydays (though I never made payments late). I thought those days were behind me.

I used to live off ramen noodles and PBJ sandwiches. I never ate out unless I shamefully allowed someone else to pay for me (without being able to pay them back). I didn't go anywhere in my car that I didn't have to and didn't buy anything I didn't really need. I soon worked my way up to a reasonable salary and forgot those days of struggling.

I’m learning those survival skills again. Now, I find myself watching every penny like a starving hawk perched above a rabbit hole. I find myself driving a less fuel efficient vehicle because it has gas and I don't get paid for a few more days. I find myself upset that I didn’t get up in time to meet my mom and carpool to save a few dollars. I find myself lusting to eat out for lunch just once, but can't bring myself to spend the $8 in my pocket on anything, but gas or groceries. It’s almost paralyzing.

I know things will improve with time, but for now I must make every sacrifice I can to make sure we do more than just get by. See, it’s not just about me anymore – I’m not alone. That’s a good thing and a bad thing. It’s good that I’m not alone. It’s bad that they have to endure it.

No, we don’t have to live this way. I could try selling the property and using that money to put us in a better financial situation. I could stop putting money into savings altogether and I could forego 401K contributions for a while. We could sell our house and move into a condo/townhouse closer to my work. In the end though, what will that have accomplished? We’ll be no closer to the end goal and these are only short term solutions that do nothing to solve the long term problem. I’ve always believed that a little short term sacrifice towards the long term goal was worth it.

So, I press on – thankful for everything that I do have. I continue to go through the monotony of each day knowing the next will bring me that much closer. When I get discouraged, I try to think about those less fortunate and remember how “good” I really have it. In the end, all our problems are relative – like so many other things in life.